In Neither Wolf Nor Dog: On Forgotten Roads with an Indian Elder, Kent Nerburn is a man living in two worlds. These worlds did not seem to overlap as Kent begins to navigate new territory meeting Dan, along with Dan’s band of friends. The two worlds are glaringly apparent as Kent arrives at Dan’s home and they begin to interact.

Cold introductions are usually awkward, but this introduction seemed particularly awkward as Kent was unsure of the protocols to follow, especially as Dan introduces more people to the mix. Kent was unsure of himself as he met Grover over a game of cards and then in their other interactions. Grover was unsure of this outsider. Were Kent’s motives pure in that Kent was seeking to honor Dan? It is not unreasonable for a friend to be protective in this situation. To make things more awkward, Kent was introduced to Dan’s granddaughter. She did not seem to follow the norms established by Dan and his friends. Her norms for interactions on a cold introduction and in future meetings seemed to be more open to an outsider coming in. This leaves me asking, why is this?

On top of the particularly awkward way Kent initially oriented himself to the new world he was entering, there were social norms he failed to uphold as he left his world and entered into Dan's. First, upon his second meeting with Dan, he failed to offer Dan tobacco. While it seems natural for some to bring a gift to the host of social engagements, Dan remembered to bring the offering. He placed the tobacco securely in his pocket but failed to offer it to Dan because others were present. Surely, Dan's friends have noticed this which may have added to their hesitation to let Kent enter into their space. Kent also did not appropriately address Dan as Dan was describing the book he wanted to write. Not only did Kent slight Dan but he also disrespected Dan in front of his friends.

Interacting with elders, especially in a situation like Kent’s where information and experiences will be passed from one generation to the next, can be a slippery slope. I recall spending time with my grandfather in his garage during the summer. Throughout the day while he was teaching me to weld and fix cars and tractors there would be a steady stream of friends and neighbors coming in and out of the garage. The visitor’s interactions with my grandfather were always respectful. It was like they revered him. It was in those moments that I learned his interactions with me in the garage were different from our interactions in the living room of my grandparents’ home, just 200 feet away.

I always found it odd the way some visitors would bring my grandfather gifts. He chewed tobacco and ironically, some would bring him tobacco in a similar manner to what Kent did with Dan. It seemed odd. Why not just pay him, I thought to myself, but in the same way, my grandfather was passing on skills and life lessons to me, he was doing to the same for the younger men would be coming by his garage. They did not need anything fixed or replaced on their trucks or tractors. They were there for the same reason as me, the same reason as Kent visiting Dan, for information, traditions, and skills to be passed.

The passing of tradition, skills, and life lessons closes the gaps between the different circles we all live in. My grandfather and I grew up and lived in two different circles, yet through his willingness to share and make space for me, and my willingness to get cussed at every now and then and to listen. the void between our spaces closed. The same happened with Kent and Dan. The gap that existed when they first engaged one another while Dan sipped his coffee and ate his bacon began to lessen as Kent learned the norms of the space he was entering.

We all operate in worlds distant from others living in the same community. Culture, history, socio-economics, and geography cause our worlds to be distant from those who are our neighbors. In closing the gaps between us attention should be given to the norms of the spaces we are entering as well as making space for others to enter our circle. Kent and Dan navigated this space and as we continue to work towards reconciliation for the sins of the past, willingness to be vulnerable and share space will be dependent upon our ability to close these circles while honoring the traditions and norms of others.