Last summer the Washington Post provided a list of ways the press should be covering then candidate Trump. For those wondering, this was satire and in no way was a legitimate suggestion. The mere fact that I felt compelled to explain this proves just how fragmented we are right now.
Here’s a Reader’s Digest summery of the list:
- Donald Trump is never wrong.
- Style is as important as substance.
- Does Donald Trump contradict himself? Very well; he contradicts himself. Donald Trump is large. Donald Trump contains multitudes.
- Who among us has not been in the position where what he means to say is something wise and temperate and what actually comes out of his mouth is a garbage fart?
- Remember the transitive property of Trump: Whenever Donald Trump loves something, it loves him back.
- Donald Trump’s hair is real.
- Two words: LARGE HANDS.
- Facts are often biased against Donald Trump and should be used sparingly in reporting, if at all. Think of them as a garnish, not an entree.
- Donald Trump’s word suffices. Fact-checking is at best gauche and at worst treasonous.
- Donald Trump believes that criticism is healthy.
I thought, because pastors are one of the people in the community everyone feels open to criticizing, sometimes without cause, it might be helpful to provide a similar list to critiquing your local pastor. This list is in no way exhaustive and should be used contextually based upon your local church. Seminaries named, Duke and Princeton, can be exchanged freely for other institutions such as Liberty, Regent, or any institution with the title ‘Bible College’ in it.
How to properly critique your pastor:
- Your pastor if he went to Duke is probably wrong
- Her illustration may have made no sense but it looked cool, was semi-relevant, and got a half-hearted laugh from the early service.
- Your pastor is not contradicting himself. And neither is the Bible. Just believe me.
- If what you hear your pastor say is offensive or untemperate it’s probably because you’re just a lay person and not a Duke-trained seminary graduate.
- If it seems like your pastor loves you too much during stewardship season don’t worry, in a few weeks he’ll go back to only loving himself (and Princeton).
- The only reason they wear robes is because they don’t want to embarrass you and your poor fashion choices.
- Two Words: The Sacraments.
- If you say the sermon was over your head you probably weren’t listening (or didn’t go to Duke). Also, please refer to #4.
- Fact checking sermons is discouraged and eats up the church’s limited wifi bandwidth.
- Your pastor, bless her heart, loves hearing what you have to say about her sermon in the receiving line after worship. Believe me.
What would you add to the list?
For the full article from the Washington Post, click here.